Let’s Do This!

I think it’s time to face facts. He’s really over me. And this breakup is making me sick. Probably not just the breakup of course, but things are not going well for me right now.

Remember the envelopes I gave him for our one year anniversary? Well, I’ve told him he has to give those back now he’s moved on. And he has definitely moved on. Ms. S or whatever her name is, is welcome to him. She’s clearly more exciting than I am and even if things don’t work out between them and he comes running with his tail between his legs (although I doubt it), I ain’t no ones fall back plan. Na uh.

Back to those envelopes and I messaged him this morning asking when he was going to return them. I don’t wanna see him. I don’t wanna face him. I haven’t got the strength to face him. So tomorrow he is dumping them on my front door step just like he did with all my other stuff. I’m done. This is done. The second I woke up this morning in agonising gut pain, I was done. Remember I said I was sick in one of my last posts? Apparently stress makes it all flare up. And the last two days, it has flared up like a bitch. I’ve been in agony. In tears with agony. In tears with agony and the devastating breakup from one of the coldest guys I’ve ever had the misfortune of dating. I’m sure he’s turning on the charm with Ms. S though. I bet she’s loving it too. She’ll find out what he’s like. I have. I imagine that’s why the bitch-Ex is so pissed off too. She knew. He’s a child, afraid of commitment, and cold.

She must be something kinda special. She’s certainly taking up almost all of his time. He’s always online talking to her. Just like I once did. I can’t believe I meant so little to him that he would have moved on already. I had drunken sex with Number 42, but he’s developing an actual emotional attachment to this girl. Mine was an accident. His was premeditated. Every time I See him online it stabs me like a knife. I wonder what he’s saying to her? I know it’s her too. He pretty much admitted it yesterday in the midst of the fight. He told me her name and that she was a ‘friend’ but he has no friends by that name on Facebook. Doesn’t he know I’m smarter than he is? Slash sneakier. Slash crazy. Isn’t that what Facebook is for anyway? Stalking your ex boyfriend and his new bitch?

I’ve made myself a promise and I’m determined to stick to it. Once I have those envelopes back, I’ll block him on Facebook. I’m going to delete his numbers from all of my many phones so I don’t get tempted to message him and I won’t be able to see when he is online, talking to her. I need to forget about it. It’s easier said than done, of course, but I know it’s what I need to do. And I will do it too. As soon as he gives me those envelopes back, it’s done. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

I’ve got Number 42 to help me along. I was meant to have been going over to his tonight for a repeat performance. Minus the booze, of course. I can’t go now. I’m too sick to be his sock-rocker-offer tonight. He’s into me. He’s been messaging me a lot. He’s trying to play it cool but it’s too cool. I know him too well. That night changed us. Not for the worse… yet. But it has changed us. We didn’t speak yesterday and he actually said to me – “Lover, you’ve been quiet today. Is everything OK?” This has never happened before. We’ve had days and days of not talking to each other.

Plus there’s the ‘coincidental’ week off that I’ve got with My Mr. Grey. Providing I’m not sick, that’ll be an interesting way to pass the time. It’s not like I don’t have enough with my writing and work (when I can actually stay off the loo for long enough) to help me forget about Jock.

This is going to be really hard and I know it is. But I’m ready. I’m prepared. I’ve made my decision now.

Let’s do this.